child protection

That's powerful imagery!

You could limit the examples to one or two without going into details. For instance, instead of saying the man got out on bail yesterday, just say "the man still walks the streets" and be done with it. One or two brief examples gets your point across.

In the first paragraph, you've asked me to sign my name and move on. Sign my name to what? You haven't told me anything yet. Perhaps remove that sentence from the 1st graph.

2nd graph: "This is a very important petition." Again, what petition? And obviously it's an important issue... I would remove that sentence.

I would also get rid of everything in the 2nd graph about the AIDS and the "myth" info. This is all obvious.

3rd graph: I would delete the entire paragraph. I got the point with the example in the first paragraph.

4th graph: Delete the whole paragraph. You have a run-on sentence and a typo in it anyway. And now you're bringing India into it?

5th graph: You've listed 2 specific cases and highlighted another (the myth) previously, but you say "this is just one of..."

Also, you may want to emphasize the last sentence more - and also tell readers WHY it will make a difference by signing some petition. Who is this petition going to? etc.

I think the entire thing can be shortened to the following and still get the point across:

The African government is planning to close the Child Protection Unit (C.P.U.), an essential part of the justice system that protects children not only from predators, but diseases like AIDS as well.

Pledge your support to keep cases of child rape, abuse and AIDS from reaching catastrophic proportions. Visit the Child Protection Web site and pledge your support by signing the petition to keep the C.P.U. open.

childprotectpca@saps.org.za

Make a difference.

That's just my 2 cents... best of luck.

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This powerful image needs an equally strong headline. Right now it's a unclear statement with no emotion or call to action.

If someone were only to read the headline and stop what is the one message you want them to remember?

Example:
Headline: Stop Child Abuse
Subhead: Sign the Petition to Keep the CPU Open

I would change the headline to something as powerful as the image.

Make the email address white or a different color-- I don't like the weird green. Make the last paragraph all on one line, or perhaps, make it the headline.

thank you soooooooooooooooo much for your concern....its updated just have look at.