specific focus: copy
targets: $40-70k / m.f. / 25-35
locale: maj cities / pb: entertainment
mag format, medium, coated..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------feedback please =)
Commenting on this Image is closed.
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It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
The word play is very forced. I still am not sure I get it.
Keep trying.
If you do not get what the message is implying, then you are out of the targets range perhaps? I'm not sure what you mean by forced either. Rolling off the tongue I agree, its not an ad for mcdonalds. The terms evening, and town, and night on the town are classic/rich terms of expression. The message is SIMPLY saying, yea you could be great riding in your bmw, but its the graetness people perceive of you when thy see you driving it. Thanks for your feedback, more thoughts are appreciated though ;)
I agree about the forced part. The tag line just comes off as clumsy and unmemorable.
I'd almost be inclined to go with something like "A perfect night on the town made that much better"
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I now see what you guys are deeming *forced*. I like the *night* substitution better, however its too adolescant saying it twice in one sentence. This isn't a tagline, or slogan, its a byline for a brand already recognized. It only has to be remembered when someone reads it. Its not like this line will be backed by 300 million dollars so you could remember it as well. =)
As for being clumsy, i Kind of agree but i think the feedback so far has been too critically inclined. Im looking for feedback on mood. Not spelling or grammar. How does it make you feel? Put yourself in a consumers pov. From thre, after a mood is pin-pointed, the copy will then follow suit. Thanks so much!
I think the only change I would make would be: " A perfect evening in town" (Maybe to ease the flow a bit)
mokenke
i think we are getting there, *in* works well and realeases some of the swelling i guess...thanks! =)
But the photo demonstrating the BMW car on a road on the countryside and not in the city.. If your'e going to stick that text line: "A perfect evening on the town, or a tow in which every evening you´re perfect. Why not then use a photo of the car in a city?
I'm not sure on that text really.. Dunno why!
This was the first thing I noticed and it doesn't work with the mention of 'town' in the copy and a picture of the countryside.
Any execution where the image doesn't support the ad copy creates confusion and shows a lack of attention to the details. [especially with so little content in this ad. Everything has to be perfect to pull it off] To brush it off so quickly as 'not a big deal' is a complete mistake. The fact that you find it necessary to explain the ad to us seems to indicate something isn't working.
It's very ironic that the driver is ALONE in the car.
Finally, I think the typeface is too large and sharp. It also doesn't line up with the logo correctly. In addition I find the type and logo a bit too close to each side.
Perhaps there is too much white in that also confuse me..
It's like I want some text or data in the white space below the photo of the car..
yea the picture has no relevance, its showing the car, the instance of imagery doesnt have to be relative to the copy, the copy presents its own imagery. heh. The copy seems a little mangled, but i posted here to get interpretations of the copy based on mood. There are many ways to interpret he mood of this message. The *town is the playful workaround. At first, you are perfect because you have a bmw, and then you are perfect because the town envys you. heh. Thanks fo the comments though! =)
Did you consider the subjective nature of the business before you decided to be a copywriter? You seem on the defensive and everyone here is trying to help you. It's like having a good friend who will tell you what you what they really think, not what you want to hear.
The line seems like more of a question than a statement.
Keep at it. I could almost go with "A perfect evening on the town".
What about "Take the long way home." or something since the pic isn't in town.
By the way I'm in your demographic if that helps. But I'm here more to help you with swallowing your pride than giving you copy. No one is attacking you.
Good Luck.
Does anal retentive have a hyphen in it?
Thought I'd post some BMW ads for inspiration!
And here's an unoffical ad for the BMW M5..
i love both of those photos =), and not once was i even remotely on the defensive on the feedback from people posting. I thought the -=)'s *smileys) and detailed verbage incinuated that I was accepting feedback positively, but obviously debating in my position, because i wanted the mood of the message to be unchanged, the copy i was willing to forfeit upon a better submission perhaps. I'm not a copywriter as a prof, but I do do it for many clients. Im the cd of a few dotcoms, and service household names at a software comp. The feedback I get from users on here help me gauge the individualness of talent, and how they express their opinions as well. Swallowing my pride, i mean we should prob leave obligatory and near-sexual commentary out of any post, heh, but I do see your point of view. The thing is, Im posting for teh reason of debating my position as is. The advice braught to the table will help form a creative guidline for more users to post, since not one user would love to post the same thing someone else did. that would be un-innovative and boring, now wouldnt it. =)
The demographic was very broad. The picture is just following a sampled bmw format, and its impression has no composition. Its on a road, wow. Cars belong on roads. The background is irrelevant, the focus is the pride of the car. The prestige the consumer envys. That is what creates the minute desirability. that is what the aim of the piece is. =)
more comments welcome =)
I've made a similar mistake in the past when asking someone to critique my work. Quickly trying to defend 'your position' destroys the whole point of people giving their feedback. [You might as well show the design to yourself in the mirror]
I've discovered it's far better to post your design and explanation and sit back and LISTEN to the feedback others provide. The details matter and often others not involved in the project see what we can't. Interfering too quickly with your rebuttal clearly indicates a fundamental unwillingness to listen or consider what's being said.
It's okay to like a particular design and you have the right to ignore any suggestions given if you so decide. However, to get the most out of the critique I've come to the understanding it's best to absorb what others are trying to say and understand their point of view before deciding the correct course of action.
"Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly."
- Plutarch
Ideally, we can all focus on the critique and not on the emotional aspects of analysis. Either the ad works or it doesn't. Let's keep it practical I say.
mokenke
I get a feeling of isolation and escape from the ad. [Someone trying to get away] There is a ton of 'empty' space between the narrow photo and copy. In addition, you've got a solo driver on an 'empty' highway in the middle of no where. It visually adds up to something that contradicts the message and doesn't seem to connect.
I see a statement like "Leave the world behind" better fitting the layout and photo selection in this ad.
I agree. The image evokes a feeling of escape. Like "Ahhh, it's the weekend. No more office, no more traffic. Just me and the open road."
But I do belive the picture is fpo. If I remember correctly.
Does anal retentive have a hyphen in it?
hey guys thanks! NRG i totally agree with you, and ill take heed to some of your advice. I think it is valuable. And yes, the picture is just fpo, and actually, it is from the bmw stock archives, so its not like I took the pic myself heh. Also, i agree with the picture interpretation...and finally, the whitespace everyone keeps talking about its the bmw format. This isnt a format(layout) I chose, it was alraedy set as ground. Do i think there should be copy in between to help out the byline? Absolutely. But I can't. Defending my position against users online is becoming an equal effort to the debates I have with clients haha (friendly of course).. =)
With that said, I wanted to thak everyone for posting, lots of feedback on my first post ha! This one is for NRG....
"I dislike quotes, tell me what you know.." - rw emersen.