Maybe try a celebrity angle instead: i.e. Rodney Dangerfield holding the two-dollar bill and saying, "Hey, Stinko, my two bucks here don't even wanna go near ya! Now make like the S.O.B.s and BUZZ OFF!" or, even better, Bo Derek running down the beach, away from you, with a big wooden pin keeping her nose sealed from the invasive smell of body odour. The header for this one could read: BO=PU.
On a serious note, I like the layout--great colour, font and image selection. It speaks class. Maybe rethink changing the two-dollar bill to a million dollar unit with the headline: "You couldn't pay me enough to go near that guy." or "Nice package. Too bad he stinks."
Make the title/headline black. It's almost invisible.
The ad looks good, but to be honest I don't see any connection between a two dollar bill, deodorant and your tagline?
Move the product and product icon (left and right of gutter) away from the gutter. An advertiser pays A LOT of money for these full spread ads -- don't make them regret it by hiding their product in the gutter of the spread.
Could have fooled me. I agree... it makes for some interesting imagery but I don't see the connection. Also the bill is missing its border and looks weird as a result, plus the mask over Jefferson's face is too hidden. All of the text needs to be re-written in proper english, unless it's just placeholder. It's very awkward as is.
The only spelling error I can find is "deodrant". And "unexpectable", which technically isn't an error since the word doesn't exist. As for the grammar... well, contrary to popular belief, we're not all English first language speakers. (Which isn't an excuse for *bad* English in advertising, agreed.)
Oh, it's an advertisement for Rexona Men's Deodorant. (A work in progress, but an ad none the less.)
Nice outfit - but I don't think it works. The outfit is too nice and "metro" to convey "smelly". This guy "scents" of $100 cologne and moisturiser. A "wife-beater" vest and tattooed arm might work better - greasy. Blue collar image - not that all blue collar workers stink, of course.
Otherwise, I agree with the above-mentioned comments.
And yes, even though you have a grasp of English, I would suggest getting someone with a firm grasp to help you with the copy. It's just not up to advertising standards.
The design work is beautiful. Love the colors, the layout, etc.... but the message? Yeah. It doesn't say "deodorant" to me... it says... I don't know what it says. My first take was that the product must cost two dollars.
I agree - the model being used is too "neat" for a deodorant ad. I'd expect something rougher as well... even that maybe if you want a kind of "neat" person, you could have a person in a button-up shirt with what appear to be sweat stains at the armpits... SOMETHING that gets people to understand we're talking about B.O. here - not a two-dollar bill, not a brown sweater.
Some smells cannot be tolerated.
Maybe try a celebrity angle instead: i.e. Rodney Dangerfield holding the two-dollar bill and saying, "Hey, Stinko, my two bucks here don't even wanna go near ya! Now make like the S.O.B.s and BUZZ OFF!" or, even better, Bo Derek running down the beach, away from you, with a big wooden pin keeping her nose sealed from the invasive smell of body odour. The header for this one could read: BO=PU.
ttfn!
3dogmama
on a serious note...
On a serious note, I like the layout--great colour, font and image selection. It speaks class. Maybe rethink changing the two-dollar bill to a million dollar unit with the headline: "You couldn't pay me enough to go near that guy." or "Nice package. Too bad he stinks."
ttfn!
3dogmama
Make the title/headline
Make the title/headline black. It's almost invisible.
The ad looks good, but to be honest I don't see any connection between a two dollar bill, deodorant and your tagline?
Move the product and product icon (left and right of gutter) away from the gutter. An advertiser pays A LOT of money for these full spread ads -- don't make them regret it by hiding their product in the gutter of the spread.
----
Powerpoint is not a design application
My latest web design work
You mean it's not money scented deodorant?
Could have fooled me. I agree... it makes for some interesting imagery but I don't see the connection. Also the bill is missing its border and looks weird as a result, plus the mask over Jefferson's face is too hidden. All of the text needs to be re-written in proper english, unless it's just placeholder. It's very awkward as is.
FIrst things first...
What the heck am I looking at?
P.S> Contrary to popular belief, Spell Check *IS* your friend.
Spelling
The only spelling error I can find is "deodrant". And "unexpectable", which technically isn't an error since the word doesn't exist. As for the grammar... well, contrary to popular belief, we're not all English first language speakers. (Which isn't an excuse for *bad* English in advertising, agreed.)
Oh, it's an advertisement for Rexona Men's Deodorant. (A work in progress, but an ad none the less.)
Concept
Nice outfit - but I don't think it works. The outfit is too nice and "metro" to convey "smelly". This guy "scents" of $100 cologne and moisturiser. A "wife-beater" vest and tattooed arm might work better - greasy. Blue collar image - not that all blue collar workers stink, of course.
Otherwise, I agree with the above-mentioned comments.
And yes, even though you have a grasp of English, I would suggest getting someone with a firm grasp to help you with the copy. It's just not up to advertising standards.
Pretty design, confusing message
The design work is beautiful. Love the colors, the layout, etc.... but the message? Yeah. It doesn't say "deodorant" to me... it says... I don't know what it says. My first take was that the product must cost two dollars.
I agree - the model being used is too "neat" for a deodorant ad. I'd expect something rougher as well... even that maybe if you want a kind of "neat" person, you could have a person in a button-up shirt with what appear to be sweat stains at the armpits... SOMETHING that gets people to understand we're talking about B.O. here - not a two-dollar bill, not a brown sweater.
That's my take.
Thanks for valuable suggestion
thanks for your all suggestion, I'll improve my mistakes to work better.
Thanks to all
Think, Act, Invent.
http://captonjohn.deviantart.com