Kathy, are you primarily an illustator?

That is the impression I get from your mailer. The illustration style works fine (if this indeed represents you). There is a disconnect from the front of the card to the back of the card. They are totally unrealated. Rather than use a photograph for the starfield, I'd rather see something that looked more like your audience on the front of the card (similar color and style)... at least then you'd have the curve of the circus ring and the curve of the moon working together. Could the little man holding the clock and gun be 'branded' with the blue moon logo? (I'm looking for some way to tie in the moon on the back)...

MORE IMPORTANTLY...
Your typography and layout is lacking creative finess. On both sides your headlines are cramped. On the back of the card your copy block is balanced rather precariously on your logo. Is that typeface Albertan? It seems a bit refined for the rest of the card. Also not sure about mixing that face with that exact san serif you've picked (again there is disconnect).

I do like the underlying concept... but I gotta say, as someone in your target audience... it's not quite there yet.

sa

First of all I do enjoy the graphic style of the piece. And it begs you to look through the whole illustration in detail. I agree with Shawn's points where he says the front and back are not related well enough.

The starfield should be illustrated.
You could put the logo on the timer-man with the gun, or better yet, have a banner or some flags by the two figures holding the hoop...or even the hoop filled with the logo. (Just some ideas)

Another thing that might pull it all together is to add a person (maybe an astronaut) on the back, in the same drawing style. It will relate the two a bit closer. Also the content on the back is quite concentrated at the top...not to say the space at the bottom is bad...but a touch more space between the "Help is on the moon" header and the moon graphic, as well as a little bit between the craters and the body text might be worth exploring.

It looks like it's been a fun project.
Good luck.

I think the logo on the front is the opposite of what kathyp wants. The front is what a prospective client now sees: little time to jump through the creative hoops. kathyp offers an alternative: no hoops and no racing (despite the crazy deadlines someone else has imposed); or A Blue Moon Arts will do the jumping for the client. Either way, the client doesn't have to deal with the circus on the front. But I could be reading this wrong.

As for the design, have you checked with the post office? I'm concerned about the space (or lack of) that you've left for addressing and postage.

I agree with INVRT on the copy placement. You can give yourself more space by putting "call" on the same line as the phone and "e-mail" on the same line as the address. They can be smaller and still be as effective. This is a big card and you don't want to yell at the reader.

Jennifer

To add to what others have already said, another thing you could consider improving is the ad copy on the back.

Every designer in the world claims to be on time, on budget and flexible to work with. To me, you're being much too generic -- I think you need to really highlight the style of work that you are most talented at.

Don't be afraid to turn off some customers who don't like your specialty; they aren't going to hire you anyway. Instead, zone in on the people who really DO like your style, and get them even more excited about it and what it could do for them.

Having your own special niche is vital when you're doing a promotion -- don't be afraid to be an individual. The front of the card is very unique; the back can reflect your personality in the same way.

On that note, personally I've always found that saying "I" instead of "we" gets a better response -- unless you really are a team, in which case you can highlight the benefits of your collaborative creativity.

Be real, and people will connect with you. Then they'll be much more likely to hire you.

Finally, I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but having an updated website listed on there is important. If I got your card, I'd want to see more of your work before I picked up the phone.

I hope that helps. We're a tough crowd on CB -- but hey, that's how we all improve!

Arvana
arvanadesign.com

P.S. Can you link to your previous version so we can see where you came from?

Linking to my previous version - sorry, I'm not sure how to link to a previous post. But my previous post is still on the "Critique" section here, on 1/27/06 at 16:56, called "Self-promotion postcard".

If you can find it, I think at the very least you will have to agree that I made some BIG changes from one version to the next!

Thanks very much for all the comments. Some of them were tough, but it's easier to hear it now rather than once the cards are all printed and sent out.
Doing self-promotion is HARD. With this postcard I have made mistakes and overlooked things I'd NEVER miss on a project for one of my clients. I''ve been very self-conscious, second-guessed myself, and generally taken FOREVER to get something acceptable. Oy.