You'll need it

Submitted by captonjohn on Tue, 2008-04-29 14:36.

Critique

this ad is based on concept that while reading something on screen which is typical to read you turn your head severally & feel a pain in your neck or shoulder . For this pain you'll need moov a pain relief balm

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i never got neck pain from

Submitted by functioncreep on Tue, 2008-04-29 15:47.

i never got neck pain from reading a sign. Not even while following a sort of stream-of-consciousness-type, semi-erotic-ish type of kind of story.

I don't think the concept is completely fleshed out.

But There is humor. I liked reading upside down though. Interestingly, It got harder to switch he longer the sentences were. Perhaps you should write a little more.. cohesively. with less..... gimmicky... YES!... exclamations.... It would be easier for the reader to follow.

thanks

Submitted by captonjohn on Wed, 2008-04-30 09:50.

thanks functioncreep, I also feel that there is need to improve copy & direction.

I'll work again. Any other suggestion?

Think, Act, Invent.
http://captonjohn.deviantart.com

Yeah, if the text was

Submitted by natobasso on Wed, 2008-04-30 16:03.

Yeah, if the text was actually turned 90 degrees then your neck would hurt. :)

Don't use so much text to make your point. In fact, just saying "If you turned your head to read this you probably need this pain relief balm now" would suffice.

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Powerpoint is not a design application